Surge

The world...right now...is so perfect, yet years away from true perfection.  What is this place and state of mind? Where has my mind escaped to? The idea that one's emotions can be so quickly changed frightens me. A mood of solitude can instantly be playful and social. So what then. Do I continue to allow such emotions to change so rapidly? Of course! Who wants to be stuck in a point of misery. 

Lack of inspiration for my photo's has been really depressing. I don't know why, but it may have something to do with a new excitement for graphic design. I hate it so much yet want to submerge myself in this world of computers and technical skill. I just want to hold on to it for some reason and when I'm back into it, it gets me genuinely excited. However, now that that creativity flows into my head, slowly but surely, my photo's begin to lose a certain quality in them. So what do I choose? To be completely in love and dedicated to art of a graphic kind or to let my heart swim in photography, my most beloved artform? Or should I simply exhaust myself and try to spew ridiculous amounts of creativity until I may be so tired that I am left with no urge to create at all? I dunno.

What is it about new colors that creates an emotion in me? First, i see the color, and then I think, wow thats a beautiful [windy grey (adj + color)]. Suddenly, I squirm with ideas and color combo's. I don't try to, it just happens. It's actually quite scary sometimes how my mind works in color. I love it though. If I could enjoy one thing for the rest of my life besides my girlfriend, perhaps it'd be color. How wonderfully satisfied I am when I see a beautiful palette of colors assorted and combined to create something glorious. I almost feel as though i'm the little rat from ratatouille. His passion for food is indescribable. Far different from his friends who enjoy the simple life of food from the trash. When he bites into something, and combines those flavors with some other savoring thing, there are flashes of calm, cool, emotions or surges of energy and explosions of happiness, depending on what it is. Instead of flavorful explosions in my mouth, I have bursts of feelings in my eyes and my heart. I really do think that it effects my heart.  

I wish that I could write. I feel as though I'm much too scatter brained to keep anyone's attention. There are much more feelings within, but those will have to wait for another day.

-John

Just another Lazy day in the FIAP...

So long it's been since i've blogged. How many countless memories have I now forgotten and now regret not recording in the log. 

To be in this city of fashion, beauty and love is extremely difficult for me and daily it pains me to be in such an extravagant city without her, the one that i would love to see it with most. I really do miss my claire bear so much. I feel like I put on a false face and say...i'm okay...no really i'm fine. Inside, my insides scream at the sound of those lies. How could I be fine when the girl i'm crazy about is in another country. 

I could go on and on, but I fear i've said too much already. 

Paris...a dreamland actually...is wonderful. With our metro passes...we are basically given a pass to explore one of the most complexly wonderful places on earth. Like most modern cities, Paris is equipped with culture and people. Crowded metro rides remind you how populated this city really is but it also reminds you how amazing it is to be fortunate to be a part of such a culture with some truly great people. I often think about everything that i'm missing back home and in comparison, i feel like i'm going to be missing paris so much a few months from now. I need to make sure that i'm taking advantage of this epic opportunity. 

I've learned so much about myself and i've learned that I can truly be myself and be happy. Recently...i've had some ideas about self consciousness, but it's not that bad...though...i know a few days i pulled one of those oh...i ate today thanks...cards...or i'll just have 2 grapefruit. I joke about having it to lose weight...but it's true...i want a higher metabolism and lose some weight...i'm really tired of being fat. I'm really glad though...i get to walk and stuff and though I will be eating a cali burrito upon arriving to San Diego...I am definitely going to walk more...at least I hope i do. Here, we walk everywhere...so why not do it at home.  Also, learning to eat normal portions is good. I was getting tired of always eating HUGE portions at school, even though it's so easy with unlimited food. EEEk..so  bad. 

Dance...

what an amazing way of expression. I enjoy it so much. It makes me so happy to move to music. To allow myself to sink away to another world. The pounding sound and the bumping and shoving that happens at our discotechs is annoying to some, but to me...I dunno...i feel like here are a bunch of people who are enjoying the movement and sound just as I am. 

Loup (Lou), Charline and Andre are just some of the people that we've met with and hung out with. It's so cool to be a part of this culture and actually have universal friends. I am really going to miss Lou...i already miss Charline who is living in San Francisco now and who is really doing a self exploration adventure. Good for her...she's braver than I am...and all power to her. We've met fellow Californian's here. I LOVE THEM....seriously...i'm becoming really good friends with some of them and I really really really like them. They're really cool and a lot of fun. I don't know why they didn't introduce us at an earlier dinner...now we only have had a month with them...sad day...

I'm kinda done with this blog...but whatevs...I'll try blogging soon again. Miss you california people.

Just Love,

John

Love

Listening to the pattering of the rain hitting the floor and the rooftops, I am reminded of how much I love Europe, and how much rain reminds me of happiness. This week in Florence has been completely and ridiculously amazing. We began the week with museums and sculptures and palaces and culture. A trip to the leather market and a pretty normal reaction to a new city. What i've noticed is how I am able to feel more comfortable by finding things which remind me of something i associate with comfort. An example would would be Gelato. Though we're in a new city, Gelato is still as good as Venice and I believe we've had some every day at least once.
SO much has happened this week. I learned how important art can make you feel. Seeing the statue of david encouraged this feeling. Seeing how I have seen it in pictures my entire life as some statue which people are familiar with, and yet feet before me David stood, prideful and courageous and rather larger than i expected, I was struck by how this piece of work really was amazing and beautiful. I of course couldn't allow this experience go unrecorded, therefore, with a few precautions, I snuck a few photo's in after hiding from cameras and guards. Another piece which really stood out to me was the Birth of the Venus. I was in such awe of the beauty she held. She reminded me dearly of someone and I just stood with my mouth gaping open. Incredible i felt that a painting could emotionally stir me.
Friday was very exhausting, but so worth it. We climbed to the top of Michaelangelo's garden. Here, we climbed an exhausting amount of stares leaving me slightly breathless and this was after a long day of museums and what seemed like endless amounts of walking. Fortunately, Eugene was kind enough to treat us all to Gelato at the top of the climb. While enjoying our Gelato, we enjoyed a view which i thought couldn't get better. Before us was the city of Florence in it's purest form. No distractions, beautiful scenery to the sides and just a beauty I had never experienced. To the left were Villa's on the outskirts of the town. To the right were mountains and behind us was a grave and church. The view from there also was wonderful. Some of us decided to stay behind as a few went on back to the hotel. Those of us who stayed enjoyed dinner and the scenic view as well as an english speaking three man band. They were quite incredible. Slowly, the city changed colors as they complimented the colors of the sky. Oranges, golds and purples were cast upon the view and soon night came upon us lighting up the city with an electrical parade of lights. Just when you didn't think it could get better, God was like...uh...i can do better...watch this! haha.
After our exhausting day, and skyping with claire and my sister and my dad, I drifted off into a peaceful sleep. Early the next morning, I awoke and welcomed the day with a shower and preparation to embark on my own journey with Aubrey, Scott K, Gabby, Dana, and Rachel. We rode the train to Cinque Terre which translated is Five earths or cities. We didn't get to our destination until one and several trains. We stopped in Pisa and failed to see the infamous leaning tower, but that wasn't too bad. Getting off the train, we were welcomed with what seemed like a surreal paradise. The Mediterranean Ocean was as clear as those of magazines, but what looks like color enhancement in those pages was actually real. The waters were teal like none that i'd seen yet clear and one could see rocks below the surface. People snorkled and laid out on the beach. Some were in the water playing in the waves. As i picked my jaw off of the floor, we bought our tickets for what would be, though i had not anticipated it as such, the most intense hike of my life.
The hike itself was intense began with a small incline, and then...it completely slapped you in the face and said...make it or break it! The mountain was tall and when you thought you couldn't go any higher, you'd look and there were more steps or more ground to cover. The pathway was narrow and many parts were left without rail. Most of the trail was open to the sides and one could just imagine what it'd be like plummeting down the mountainside. Passing through vineyards and little homes and gates, I was on the verge of passing out a few times. How was this possible? The stairs only continued and my breathe got the better of me. I began ascending 15 steps at a time, passing people who would pass me moments later. Along the sides, i'd be grabbing for the nearest branches as people waited for me. I didn't realize just what a fear i had for heights. There were moments when lightheadedness would get the best of me and times when i could barely let air into my gasping lungs. My load was light, but my legs felt like rubber. Gabby stayed back with me and she encouraged me along the way. There was a moment when i was by myself...and the image of passing out and having no one notice was a scary thought. I bent over to catch my breath, and I was alone once again. No one around. The air was still, the rustling kept to a minimum. The pounding of my heavy heart pounding in my ears. Time and time again i've heard that expression and it took the altitude that i was at to make me experience that loudness in my ears. I listened the the sweat form my face hit the dirt. The solitude of such a hike was enough to make one go mad if time allotted. Each bead of sweat hit the ground, and as it hit, the impact would make a loud splash. I met several Americans along the way and each was exceptionally pleasant, encouraging each other, and excusing each other and moving for the other. Getting to the point where I was ready to descend, we finally began nearing the next town. What a sight it was. Visibility was clear, and the town was colorful against the beautifully blue ocean. We finally arrived to Vernazza from Monterosso and it was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING i'd ever seen. I couldn't have possibly described everything which made it so gorgeous. The water was beautiful and the colorful buildings made the town like a painting.
We immediately darted for the water which felt so great on our hot bodies. Seeing clearly through the water only made the experience more thrilling. It felt so good swimming in God's glorious creation. we jumped off rocks and to top it off, Scott, Gabby, and I jumped off a larger rock at the same time. Scotts height was 20ish feet, Gabby 16-14feet, and i 12-10 feet. It was sooo exciting. I almost didn't do it, but I knew i'd only be there once. What a rush it was. We finished the perfect evening with dinner watching the sunset and gelato. Sunday was relaxing and extremely lazy, but well needed. I loved it. And today, Monday, it poured rain and lightning struck several times in the distance as the thunder clapped several seconds apart. I did a shoot of myself in the rain and took a shower. It's now 6:30pm and the day has been so good. I love Euroterm. Thanks God and thanks to those who made it possible.

-Just Love Europe
John

A New Found Land

Dear California,

Europe leaves me speechless moment after moment (especially after lugging all my crap everywhere. LOL) After London, we took a three hour train ride to the world known PARIS! Upon arriving, I tried desperately to use as much of my accent as possible. I failed...miserably, but at least I tried. We found our hostel and everything was perfect...after we look our ridiculously heavy and apparently delicate (after a couple of people were unfortunate enough to break their luggage's). I found that life abroad isn't scary at all. And, i'm learning to experience life, and live on my own...sort of. Paris was as epic as everyone makes it out to be. The streets, the buildings, and the smells, remind you how you really aren't around the corner from your beach, sunset-watching living space. You're really abroad, seeing sites which you read about or see on the television. I've learned so much about myself, about others, about life. I'm only in week 2! WEEK TWO! that's like...nothing. I don't want y'all to think i don't miss you or that i'm never coming back, though, I currently don't have a ticket back to the states.

Something hit me yesterday, and it's how unbelievable this experience is. Two weeks into this trip and i've already seen sooo much. My second day of Paris was rainy, but beautiful. I ran through the streets of Paris with a crepe in hand and no shelter to hide under. It was probably one of the most epic things i've ever experienced...I RAN THROUGH PARIS...in the RAIN. it was wonderful. I ran screaming down the street...running from under trees to overhangs and having a blast. Compared to the heat that had been the day before, I enjoyed the rain, though, I've nevered not fancied the rain. It's my favorite. That evening, I boarded my first overnight train after writing a song with dana and scott in the train terminal entitled "Turtle Love".

The turtle took his turtle shell and his green and brown eyes

Walked to the train station waiting for a surprise

A visit from his turtle love

Her name was Eponine

She was from above

And she belonged to me

chorus*

I wanna grow old with her

85 years old with her

Our love is so divine

It's worth more than gold combined

Eponine got off the train

She a fumbled a bit with her cane

Even though she's 72

she likes to move better than you

chorus*

(the end)

Now about Venice.

I totally am IN LOVE with Venice. Upon exiting the train station, I realized I was in Paradise. Looking out in front of where I stood was what looked like a dream. People in Gondola's, Canal's like the movies, and an intense heat which one could only escape if you stood beneath the shade of a tree. Sticky and hot, I hoped to find our hostel or house...i don't really know what they are, but while we waited to leave the station, a few of us couldn't resist indulging in an authentic Italian Gelato. Let me tell you, of the many flavor's i've tried, the Pistacio is to die for here. It's creamy, yet milky, yet peanut buttery, yet succulent. The best I swear! As for the streets, they're cement, but it's slick as though there's no traction, so one has to be cautious or you could end up on your bum or your knees, both of which hurt (believe me...i know. lol). For example, I was trying to get into a photo with Caits, but I moved incorrectly, and fell straight on my knees and smashed my ice cream into the floor. It was absolutely funny, but totally embarrassing as it happened in front of multitudes. LOL. We were going to go to the lido today, which is that infamous swimming area, but that didn't happen due to the clapping thunder heard nearby. So instead we walked through the streets shopping like any other person would do. Some fact about Venice is masks like those seen in a masquerade ball are found in every other shop here. They're absolutely beautiful and some are so delicately hand crafted, it's scary to touch them...but nevertheless, they're beautiful. Also, there are beggars here on the streets. Women, who sit in all black looking sickly and ill begging for money by just reaching out their hands with their cups with no eye contact. They're faces point to the ground and there is a tug at your heart because you don't know if you should feel sorry for them or if you should feel that they should do something with their lives. I haven't given any of them any money, because i don't have much myself, and well, I just don't feel very comfortable around them. NOW...for the Biennali. The Biennali is the reason why I wanted to come to Europe. It's this place where the top artists from every country display the latest and greatest in works. One piece which i will show in a later post when i have my own computer was called Constellation. It was a black room where upon looking, one saw what looked like a galaxy of the universe. Upon closer inspection and as your eyes adjust to the darkness, it was simply a display of normal everyday items one would have in a bedroom such as a computer or extension cord or a tv and the little light that usually shows when it's asleep or not in use. It was a clever piece of what i consider magic. It was beautiful but indescribably simple. I broke down last night for a few minutes just overwhelmed by the art, people and missing home. I love it here and i can't wait to continue my adventure, it was just a moment that i needed to breathe and take it all in. For now, this is me. This is my affection for european culture and my love God's wonderful creation.

-Just Love

John

Sunday, August 23, 2009

From my Journal:

"OMG! I'm in London! Finally, able to take a break from lugging my luggage everywhere. It's quite early here at Lee Abbey. Only the faint sounds of wind, the morning birds singing their song, and the beautiful paradise continuing as it is always here in earl's court.

Where to begin...I arrived here to London on Friday the 21st. I caught a glimpse of a gorgeous rainbow just before we landed. upon landing, i was filled with such a peace and calm...that lasted about a whole 20 minutes. I landed at exactly 1:17 pm and disembarked the plane at 1:31 pm. After immigration, I gathered my luggage and noticed that London security was much scarier with it's machine gun operating guards! After a quick shock, I was please to find that I indeed would be able to carry all of my baggage around town...for a while...until FAIL. I began to panic as soon as i realized in the airport how incredibly lost i was and felt. No map, no phone, simply the address to my hostel which I had planned to meet Scott, Scott, Aubrey and Anne...Oh boy...lol. So, I quickly composed myself and wiped the sweat off my forehead and I got in line for the train tickets! the gentleman helped me find the place which was located VERY far away...FML. SOOO, I got my luggage and I got in the "Lift" and realized..OMG! I left one of my bags...my main bag...at the ticket counter, which, though only 50 meters away, I worried that someone might suspect something weird. So...I pushed my way through the people and grabbed my luggage.

"Okay John, you need to relax so that you don't make a huge mistake again!"

I got on the lift and upon arriving to the Underground, I stepped off and it was then that i actually felt like i was in London. Thoughout my passage, I asked several people for directions and after changing trains about 4 times, I arrived in Woolwhich prounounced by locals as "Woolich". Sooo, I found my way to the exit and located a taxi.

"Please sir, can you get me to Wellington Street?"
"It's a waste of my time. There. Cross the park and you're at Wellington."
"But sir, i'm tired and i have my bags"
"I need money, and it's just a complete waste of my time! really...just cross through the park"

Very irritated, I gathered my things and made my way through the small but sketchy park. "Wellington, Wellington, Wellington", i thought tiredly, mind you I had carried my crap up SEVERAL flights of stairs, when racing to catch the Tube.

"Excuse me? Do you know where I might find 118 Wellington Street?" I asked an older woman. "Well, sign says Wellington there, so we know you're in the right area. Here's #16, so keep going up this hill for 118!"

After a thank you, I was off up the hill, with 118 Wellington Street no where to be found. I had landed in Heathrow at exactly 1:17pm...It was now 5:14 pm and I was about to break down when Wellington street came to an end. I asked a man walking toward me

"PLEASE SIR!!!!! where is the rest of Wellington Street?"
"Well this is it! that's all"
"But i'm looking for a 118 Wellington Street"
"Well what are you looking for?"
"Jouney Queen Victoria's or something like that."
"Oh! Cross the street here and it's the double chimney there!"
"THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!"

I quickly waited for the crosswalk to turn green then pulled my luggage to the place. I rang the doorbell and got situated. Only 9 pounds was a great deal! I was litterally dripping sweat onto the owner's counter.

"please...do you have water that i can purchase?"
"No, i don't. Sorry, you can go down the to the gas station a couple of blocks over"
"Oh okay...you don't have tap water or anything?"

He went to his fridge and poured a small glass of mango nectar. I offered to pay, but he said no, it was his personal mango nectar that i could have for free. What a nice guy! It was so wonderfully delicious. After getting to my room, I went up to shower and about 15 minutes later, the guys showed up because they'd gotten lost and therefore showed up as late as I. After a few miutes of amazing stories, Aubrey left for the airport to pick up Anne. Scott K fell asleep, and Scott L had left his suitcase in a hostel in london and was going to venture off alone. But how could I allow him to do so! Though I was tired, I was anxious to see a bit more of the new city I was in. So we got on a few different tube lines and made our way to the hostel that he'd stayed at. Worried that his bag had been stolen or thrown out, he hurried to access the luggage room. He forund it! And to his surprise, it was untouched! So, we made our way out and saw a kabab place and decided to stop for a bite to eat. We know Kabab's as meat on a stick. Here, they have the meat on a skewer but they have it rotating and people kinda slice off meat into a thick Pita. It was glorious and they added garlic sauce! So good! So after a fine dinner, we walked out of the store and what should I find? 10 whole pounds! It was very thrilling! Excited we talked and decided to go to Kings Cross! Catching the tube, we got off at King's Cross and found a help thingy. I putshed the button and the train opporator answered. We asked for directions to platform 9 3/4's and made our way to the famous place. We walked for about 20 minutes and finally found our beloved 9 3/4's. We took pictures with the cart sticking out of the wall as though we were walking through. What a wonderful night it was. We made our way back to the Hostel and eventually, we went to bed, though because the girls were hungry, we went to a small place where a fight almost broke out between a worker and a man outside on the street. oh! and Scott and I got on the night bus because we'd missed our train. Saturday came and the gang and I left our little hostel. We traveled with little stress and it was fun being able to get where we needed to be traveling with the group. It took a bit to get to Lee Abbey, but sure enough we arrived. It wasn't to long before we saw sean, Eugene, Brittney, Kristin, Megs and everyone else! We soon moved into our rooms and thus began OUR journey. Sunday we began our day by attending sunday service at Westminster Abbey. How Beautiful it was both inside and out. The outside reflected beauty and upon entering the room was filled with the highest ceilings i've ever seen, tombs, gold, and windows painted to reflect the colors of the rainbows as the sun shown throught them. The details were unbelievable and amazing. During the service, we sang with the organ. The organ was incredibly eerie, yet indescribably beautiful. Following our service, we spent the day relaxing at the park. Dana, Megs, Sean, Scatch, Gabby, and I went to a local Park where we laid down, heard scott play his guitar from spain, and read and enjoyed eachother's company. Soon, we headed back the the Abbey and departed to Shakespear's Globe where we watched Romeo and Juliet, the last performance. We did as the poor did back in the day and watched standing up for 3 hours. We were dying! FML. My legs were in such pain and though the play was enjoyable, much of my focus was on my throbbing feet. The following Day, we ventured to the national Museum and saw hundred's of beautiful paintings, one's which some only dream of seeing. Tuesday, Wednesday and today was spent at various museum's and nights were filled with Uno games and Gin Rummy. Tonight it's Les Miserable the musical where we're dressing up and being FANCY. hehe.

In the Air

Today is Wednesday, and I've very much enjoyed my time here in Europe. Though, i've seen only London, it is impossible to say that my time here has not been extraordinary. Let's begin with Friday. Here is the excerpt from my Journal:

"Thursday August 20th, 2009

So, here i am on this awesome flight to London, England. Chelsea, an awesome girl, 17, with her grandmother, great aunt and annoying cousin are traveling for fun for a little London trip. She's great and has been making the flight tolerable. I'm terribly missing those of Loma which I was fortunate enough to see just tuesday and until today. Journey's Queen Victoria, 118 Wellington street, London, England SE186XY, is where i'm staying tonight. Should be fun seeing Scott, Scott, Aubrey and Anne. I can't wait for this trip. SERIOUSLY. EEK! so exciting!!! Ack!!! Anyways we'll see how i get to where i need to be in the morning.

Love, John

OH! PS! my dream was this. I was walking with claire at a lagoon, taking photo's, but then i came back to take photo's again. I stepped on a Rock and people began screaming as the ground shook. I had my camera in hand, I looked into the Lagoon...about the size of your average household pool and a black thing began to surface. I feel back onto something squishy and it bagan to rise. Killer whales were swimming out of a lagoon, I tried keeping my camera dry as i was lifted into the air on the Whale, and the whale crashed me into the side of the mountain where I died instantaneously and as i watched claire grow smaller and smaller as i was being taken away. OH and there were like...9 claire clones with a purple top and black pants...SUPER WEIRD. LOL."

Saturday was exceptionally enjoyable. Now being with Scott, Scott, Aubrey and Anne, riding the Tube was no longer difficult to do with friends and knowing that you were really all in this together. *sings song from HM*. From Woolwich, we rode the Tube to Earl's Court, changing trains once. Walking down the streets with our luggage wasn't the funnest of times, but after getting to The Abbey, I found that I was mildly satisfied

I don't think they're butterflies anymore

It's 3:56pm...I am very anxious to get everything done here at school. Tomorrow...in 4 minutes, I will be going down the runway at 300 mph zooming past workers on the ground, as a sudden pressure overcomes my body, and I will see San Diego begin shrinking to the size of an ant colony, and eventually disappear for nearly 5 months. California, will only be existent to those who ask if I live next to a movie star, or if I surf, both of which I will say no to. Thinking about those that I love, those who mean the world to me, those that are irreplaceable brings a blur of emotions. I've had butterlies in my stomach before, but i'm afraid i'm no longer feeling fluttering as I believe a stomping elephant is inside my stomach. I know it'll only be for a few months, but I fear those months will seem longer to start, but as thigns pick up, I know I will have little time to think about how time is moving. There is so much to see in the world. Many dream of taking the opportunity to travel and see both natural and manmade beauty, and here I am, about to live those dreams. New cultures, new sites, and new people will surround me and I hope to welcome them with open arms, letting this new experience fill me. My first stop will be in London, England. I'm very excited to see it. You hear about these places...you see them in movies and photo's, but to actually be there, to actually see these places is just so surreal to me still. Be praying that everything goes well, that my flight goes well, and that I am able to get to where I need to be safely and soundly. Anyways, for now, I'm going to finish working on some stuff before calling it a day.

Just Love,
John